Sunday, December 6, 2009

Jack Nicholson is Ugly

Now, before you get all high and mighty on me, just listen. Last night I was watching the Witches of Eastwick as I hadn't seen it in a very long time. I have been enjoying the new television series which is based on the film so decided it was time to see it again. The movie, surprisingly, holds up well and I was sufficiently creeped out by the end. However, mid-film I tweeted this: Jack Nicholson has to be the sexiest ugly guy ever...

Why did I feel compelled to tweet in the middle of such an engaging film? Well, because I was shocked. There he was, overweight and balding, sauntering around making dirty old man remarks and for some reason I couldn't help thinking "Damn Jack, you sexy". So sexy, I went ghetto.

That got me thinking, who else do I find overwhelmingly sexy and brimming with that elusive x-factor? What other actors get me going, even though if they were Fred Smith who works at the Stop-N-Go I wouldn't even look twice? Here's my list.

Adrien Brody

Adrien is one of cinema's most talented actors and he's undeniably sexy.I don't know about you, but ever since he smooched Halle Berry on stage at the Oscars, I knew I'd watch whatever film he starred in. Even if it was Battlefield Earth 2. He's tall, olive skinned and smoldering but be honest, if this guy was dropping off your mail would you feel the same way about him? Ok, I probably would. But you know what I mean.

Alan Rickman

Alan Rickman need only speak in his upper-crust UK accent ,with deep tones and a hint of mystery, to get me under his spell. He's another one of cinema's finest. I've been keeping my eye on him ever since Die Hard, in which he was completely brilliant as Bruce Willis' arch enemy, Hans Gruber. However, though his hair is always as luxurious as his beard, he plays the role of Professor Snape in the Harry Potter series a little too well. Would you hit that if Snape laid on the charm? Ah, no.

Jeff Goldblum

Funny, charming, tan, Mr Goldblum just reeks of sex appeal but have you ever noticed how most of his photos look like bad 70's yearbook shots? If Jeff Goldblum was your accountant and not the guy who runs from dinosaurs or aliens, would you want him to take you out to a French restaurant? I'm not so sure.

Tommy Lee Jones

Again, a top actor, but let's face it, you could run wild horses through those canyons on his face. The guy looks like he's spent most of his time with Mick Jagger doing drugs and not sleeping. However, I challenge you to watch TLJ in most of his films and not get a little uncomfortable in the pants.

Samuel L Jackson

Ladies, do I really have to write a description? He's strong, funny, intelligent and good at what he does. He rocks those Kangol hats like nobody's business (even though it's not 1995 anymore). However, take away his fancy clothes and regular facials and you'd probably have Sam Jackson, local school principal or maybe, pawn shop owner (and not with a cool name like Zeus either). I doubt most of us would walk away thinking what a fine piece of man that was.

Steve Buscemi

Ok some of you may be scratching your heads over this one. Ugly, yes. Sexy? Well...Steve Buscemi is a talented man. He's very smart, funny and makes intelligent moves in Hollywood. Especially these days, adding filmmaker to his long list of credentials. The great thing about him is that, even when he's playing a scummy little weasel on screen, he makes you feel something. Admit it. You love it when he pops up for a cameo in just about anything. Maybe it was his turn as Seymour in Ghost World that got me, I don't know. There's just something about Steve.

Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler is a great comedian, albeit one that is usually overweight and looking a bit sleep deprived. You can't ignore that there's something in his goofy charm (The Wedding Singer) or his ability to change things up (You Don't Mess With the Zohan) that just sucks you in. 50 First Dates is one of my favourite romantic comedies, and it's all due to Sandler being perfectly desirable and a tad heroic.

Honourable mentions include Giovanni Ribisi (who I don't really classify as ugly), John C Reilly (who I don't really classify as sexy) and Benecio Del Toro (who is just an enigma really).

Who's on your list?

Check out Proof You Can Make It: 20 Ugly Actors That Are Successful, The Flick Chick's Sexy Ugly List or Nerve's The 20 Sexiest Ugly People.


Steve said...

Jeff Goldbloom? Really?? He's gotta be the sexiest man-geek ever. Next to Chuck Bartowski.

JLG said...

I know this post wasn't written for guys, but I was definitely scratching my head when you listed Steve Buscemi. Ha!

Jen said...

I left off Vince Vaughan and Michael Rapaport.

JLG, I knew people would be scratching their heads over Buscemi but I've had a few comments from the ladies and so far, most agree with me. Trust me, I found that very surprising too!

Steve, Goldblum is sexy but Chuck Bartowski doesn't look that geeky IRL. Sadly. :) Geeks are the zex.

Dan Stephens said...

It's nice to see geek-love exists and isn't just a myth created by geeks, nerds, and the chess group to make themselves (ourselves!) feel better.

Ghost on Screen said...

As for the men in the crowd, consider the following unglysexy acresses.

Helena Bonham Carter

Maggie Gylenhaal

Catherine Keener

Amanda Seyfried

Tilda Swinton

Jonathan Fisher said...

Rollie, I question your judgment by listing Amanda Seyfreid as an unglysexy actress, I think she's objectively rather good looking! Ditto Maggie Gylenhaal.

I will also proffer Uma Thurman, Emanuelle Devos, Sofia Coppola and Lauren Ambrose.

Jen said...

Rollie and Jon, you should do one on the ladies at Ghost On Screen. Would make for great debate I'm sure!